THE ADOPTIONHOOD by Ellen Kahaner

ADOPTION FILM SERIES
Begins Sunday, March 8
3PM TO 5PM
South Orange Library
65 Scotland Rd
South Orange, NJ 07079
(973) 762-0230

When: Sunday, March 8 — 3pm to 5:30pm

What: Two films: “Adopted” followed by “Parenting the Adopted Child”

Where: South Orange Library

Photo: The filmmakers at work.

ADOPTED is a documentary film directed by North Carolina-based filmmaker Barb Lee about the lives of two adoptive families: one, a family who adopted a child from Korea many years ago and the other, a family just setting out on the road to adoption from China. PARENTING THE ADOPTED CHILD is one of five accompanying educational segments entitled "We Can Do Better." See full film schedule below.

* FREE and open to the public. Appropriate for teenagers and adults. Discussion and refreshments to be served between films.

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This Sunday, March 8, there’s an opportunity for families without adopted children to stand in the shoes of their neighbors, friends and relatives who are adopted or who are parents with adopted children, and feel what it’s about.

Are you up for it?

It’s not easy stuff, but it will sensitize you to the complexities of building an identity as an adopted person. No, I’m not talking about attending the gazillionth iteration of “Annie” or reading the pokes at celebrity adoption in fan-mags, which perpetuate easy stereotypes about saving orphans.

This is a documentary about the lives of two adoptive families: one, a family who adopted a child from Korea many years ago and the other, a family just setting out on the road to adoption from China. Some of the issues raised — about the need to see beyond your own needs to the needs of your child — are relevant to any parent, and issues that mixed race families confront along with the stereotyping of minorities have a farther reach. But what is particular to adopted children is also different and the documentary “Adopted” really gets below the surface.

The filmmakers, anticipating that the audience for the film will have a lot of concerns and questions about how to do better, follow up the film with five half-hour segments, collectively entitled "We Can Do Better," that raise more questions than give answers. They include information from experts in the field of family therapy and adoption. So, on Sunday, “Adopted” will be shown and, after a brief discussion and refreshments, the first of these half hour segments, “Parenting the Adopted Child,” will be shown. The other segments will be shown on subsequent Sundays (full schedule below).

I remember Jami Thall, local parent and educator, describing a talk she gave about adoption to teachers. One of the teachers said adoption just wasn’t on her radar. Another teacher said that she had never once heard adoption mentioned in her teacher training. I remember Jami, herself, saying, it wasn’t on her radar either, until she became an adoptive parent. Perhaps it is the simple human inclination to not want to know too much about the struggles of someone else until it directly touches our life. Perhaps we want to live with our comfortable stereotype of others until an experience necessitates shaking up our pre-conceived notions.

“Adopted” challenges the received wisdom about adoption that we may have inadvertently picked up from the usual suspects - TV, film, news media – that influence how we perceive the adopted kid in our child’s class, the adopted kid we notice in our peripheral vision at the supermarket with her very different looking parents. What goes through our heads? What conclusions do we draw and how does that affect our attitudes and behavior toward the children?

Come to the film with an open mind, with a ‘leave my judgments at the door’ type of attitude and I think you’ll gain a lot of insight and the time spent will be well worth it.

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The remaining four segments of "We Can Do Better" will be shown in pairs:

Sunday 3/29/09 THE MULTI-RACIAL FAMILY and INTENTIONS IN ADOPTION

Sunday 4/5/09 IDENTITY FOR THE TRANSRACIAL ADOPTEE and TOUGH QUESTIONS

All screenings take place 3-5pm at the South Orange Library, 65 Scotland Road, South Orange, NJ, 07079 (973) 762-0230.

* FREE and open to the public. Appropriate for teenagers and adults. Discussion and refreshments to be served between films.

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