* GUEST POST *
Today, we welcome guest-blogger Rita Desnoyers-Garcia.
AS mothers we are programmed to be responsible. We have children. We have a household. Many times we also have work "outside the home" — a business, job, or career. We have our extended families. Community work. The list could go on and on. And even with all that we do, we often take on more because, perhaps, we still have a minute or two left in our schedule!
Mothers are not alone in their responsibilities but there seems to be a different "flavor" to a mothers' responsibilities: it is the notion that if any one of our jobs is not going exactly the way it "should," then we are somehow not good mothers. And what a set-up that is!
This week I had two different conversations on this topic and gained a great deal of insight about how we, as mothers, can view everything we take on. If you will consider looking at your life through this different lens it may give you great relief:
- You are not responsible for any one's life experience but your own.
You have children, but you are not responsible for how they feel. You are here to be their guide. Your job is to help them understand their own "guidance system"— their feelings. And one of the biggest ways of guiding them is to pay attention to your own feelings.
I have been known to fix things and people; I can act as a "fixer." Not only is this an impossible task but it doesn't really help anyone in the long term. It gives me some temporary relief but then there is always the new thing to fix. It is draining and not serving me. The 'fixing' comes from the need to be responsible for another person's life— the need to feel needed and receive validation for your life.
Let's clarify: I think that if your toddler is about to run into traffic that you should go get her, ASAP!
This is not an excuse for negligence or abuse. Instead, it is the idea that you can't have control, nor should you have control, over another person's experience — even your own child. It is the idea that life unfolds and you can choose to focus on how you feel about the unfolding.
You can assist your children in dealing with life by asking them questions about their feelings; "How did you feel when you said that?" "What feelings came over you before you were shouting?" Help them connect with their own inner guidance and wisdom. When they ask for help, help them. But reflexively fixing stuff just sends the message that they should ignore their own guidance system, and that their feelings mean very little.
Feeling responsible for how they feel, and how they are doing, takes power away from their ability to tease that out for themselves.
You don't have to be the "fixer."
How does it feel to hear that statement? Is it a relief or is it threatening? Does it lift the burden or chip away at your identity? Knowing that you don't have to fix things can create more room for you to experience life. There is a freedom in knowing that you only need to observe the unfolding, and act from a place of love, instead of control and fear.
Rita Desnoyers-Garcia has devoted over 20 years to helping women discover and reach their full potential through coaching, classes, and workshops.
For more information and exercises for finding peace, self-worth, and abundance go to www.extraordinaryabundance.com, or join Rita & other mothers on Facebook at: Becoming Awake: The Meditating and Manifesting Mamas Project.
Rita may also be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
This article first appeared on ezinearticles.com in 2010 and is reprinted with permission.
The opinions expressed here are those of the author.